Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
