do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
