mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
