this beer tastes like vomit already
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
