READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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