You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
