Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
