do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
