Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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