How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
