i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
