just come out here and I will go home with you...
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
