HIV tests are more positive than that guy
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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