No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
