you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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