So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
