Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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