I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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