In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
