we have officially lost it.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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