Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
