isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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