U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Hippo gnu deer
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
