Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I need to stop coming to work sober
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
