Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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