Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
