I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
