$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
