we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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