I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you mean i was at the winter classic?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
