i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
