My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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