apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
be right there i have to get my cape
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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