these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
That was before I lit my hair on fire
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
