You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize