we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
