I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize