this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
