there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
