And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
