Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Randomize
