I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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