i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize