people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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