guys are only as good as the porn they watch
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
