You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
