A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
