Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
