I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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