Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
you made out with another girl for some wings
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
