hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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