pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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