and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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