I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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