Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Randomize
