My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
