I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize