Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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