awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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