Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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