I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
