he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
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