Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Is Oprah even human
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
