My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
