yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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