Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
