Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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